Dreams Start With Patience #24

If you think you know me, test it out by reading this.

I never considered myself to be a creative.

As a child my dreams were all over the place.
One moment, I wanted to be a doctor, an astronaut, and even a rock star.
These early years of my life - I did two things.

Video games.
Reading fiction for fun and non-fiction because my step-father wanted me to.

My journey in this world starts in Liverpool, England.

When I was 3 years old, my mother decided to move overseas to the United States.
I grew up in the USA.
This is the only life I know of.

The issue was - I was not a legal resident.

I didn’t struggle with this at first.

My parents did everything they could to take care of me.
To lead me in the right path, we struggled though.
Life was difficult - becoming a legal resident requires resources.

Resources that we did not have.

For years - my mother and step-father grappled with this.

It wasn’t until my 15th birthday that I began to notice and feel this immeasurable pain.
My peers were starting to move into adulthood.
The potential of jobs, money, and freedom (driver’s license) felt further and further from my reach.

Funny enough, this is about the same time I started diving deeper into photography and art in general.

My biological father was estranged.

A serious drug addiction that stole everything precious from him.
The absence created a severe hole within me when I was younger.
This is especially relevant during my teenage years.
I became a rebellious asshole towards my parents (like most teens)

The problem became a lack of gratitude for the life I had in front of me.

I envied what I didn’t have
I couldn’t work, I couldn't drive or even enjoy the idea of having a potential future in the US.
The worst year I had was my junior year in high school.

I made a lot of mistakes, I hurt so many people.

I had become fearful of the uncertainty of my residency status
My life felt a constant stage of stagnation.
Everything became a limitation.
I would play the victim card whenever accountability for my actions was mentioned.

The idea of my life ruined before it even started kept me up at night.

In hindsight - it felt like my world was ending

I felt lost - I didn’t have healthy outlets.
Constrained by my immigration status.
The talk in school of, “what school do you want to go to?” made me sick to my stomach.

The only thing I did to keep myself focused was take photographs.

At the time I didn’t consider photography to be something to pursue.

I remember being in my school’s darkroom developing film.
The frustration was real.
This was the first place where I didn’t make excuses for fucking up.

The darkroom taught me accountability. - it was my fault when the shots got overexposed or underexposed.

Photography gave me the power to believe in myself - no matter the circumstances.

This took a significant amount of time to develop.
I found myself immersed in the process because to me it felt like play.
The work I created when I first started out helped me see patterns.

Pattern recognition within my art gave me the keys and guidance to further asses the state of my life.

This world of expression that opened up to me felt surreal.

I did not have to explain myself or my art to anyone.
Sure, I wasn’t the best.
That didn’t matter - being 16 years old and chasing your curiosity was the reward.

At 16, I had no idea the impact fucking up in a film class would have on me for the next 7 years of my life.

After becoming a legal resident - I started working obsessively.

The goal:
To make enough money to buy my first camera.
(I had been using the school’s film and digital cameras)

I was 19 years old, it had been a year since graduation.

My first camera was a Canon Rebel T7i w/ 50mm lens.

It felt amazing to work for something and be rewarded with the next piece of the puzzle.
At this point - I didn’t photograph much, my motivation fell off of a fucking cliff.
My limiting belief became an excuse.

The main problem I faced was my toxic mindset and belief systems.

Where Things Changed

Your behavior is led by your beliefs.

It had been two years since I had purchased my camera.
I sold it - decided to upgrade.
The mini-lesson I learned.

Put your money where your mouth is.

By purchasing an expensive camera - I felt the need to use it.

I embraced 2021 for one goal and one goal only.
To advance my photography skills.
I became obsessed.

The result?

I created a body of work that became a window into the way I saw the world.

The achievements that came from my finding my purpose through art were:
-Professional recognition
-Paid client work
-NFT sales
-Workshops
-Lifelong friendships.
-1,000 followers on Twitter.

Everything I did in 1 year changed the trajectory of my life.

With the pursuit of my curiosity:

I realized one thing entering my early 20s.
If I wanted to be a better person, if my dream is to now become a professional photographer - who do I have to become?
My mindset still plagued me.

I began my journey to learn and stack skills.

I realized that my dreams start with patience.

The more I dream, the more I act
The more I act, the more I believe
The more I believe, the more I help others
The more I help others, the more I dream.

The cycle is a positive feedback loop.

I challenged myself, used my negative emotions/energy and channeled it into something worthwhile

My entire life it felt like I was overlooked.
Overlooked by my peers growing up.
Overlooked by the government for being undocumented.

Overlooked by everything
So - I attempted to cope through photography.

You live the life you speak into existence.

The greatest compliment an artist can receive is this:

“I can tell who’s art it is just by looking at it”
As a photographer this is difficult to achieve in my humble opinion.
I’ve never been more floored or grateful to hear words like that in my life.

It spoke to me because it showed me I wasn’t being overlooked.

People saw me - that’s what matters.

Throughout all my challenges in life I always had support.
Even if I didn’t appreciate it.
A lack of awareness contributes to being unhappy.

Many of my days suffering as a depressed teenager.
I felt unwanted by the world and it would’ve been solved with 1 simple principle.

Discover yourself - who are you?
Capture the essence about yourself through what is unconventional.

If you would have told me about my life in 2023 I would have my jaw dropped.

Autonomy, incredible friends, more than one obsession, and a beautiful girlfriend.
All it takes is one simple antidote - gratitude.
The ability to zoom out when in despair is relevant to the world we live in today.

Use an artistic medium to zoom out and document your life - you never know what fantastic stories you will be able to tell one day.

When I tell people my story a few things sum it up:

-Resilience
-Self-discovery
-Anything is possible when you embrace your true passion and identity.

Create your own path.

Thanks for reading!
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Your creative buddy who was way too vulnerable in this week’s newsletter
-Zachariah